Chapter 6, Climbing the Wall

What is this good-for-nothing person rambling about in such a disorganized manner

Bai Guan was invigorated and decided to first educate Bao Heilian, correcting his bad habit of being overly fond of women and indulging in lustful behavior

"With your cowardice, the beautiful and kind-hearted Fairy Yuyiao must surely create something of exceptional taste," Le Qing said dismissively as she cast him a glance. She leisurely brought the porridge to her mouth, hesitated for a moment, and then slowly swallowed it. Lifting the entire bowl, she quickly drank it all in one go, then wiped the residue from the corner of her mouth, maintaining her composure as she remarked, "The flavor is indeed rare; unfortunately, I had breakfast before I left home. However, you, who always seeks to take advantage, deliberately starved yourself to have Fairy Yuyiao treat you to breakfast. Now that your wish has been fulfilled, you should drink a few more bowls."

I summoned the Seven Dragon Illusion Array, and seven small dragons of different colors appeared in the sky, spiraling around a few times. Following my will, they lifted a pot filled with water and slowly placed it over the fire to cook. I recalled the "Culinary Classics" I had memorized, grabbed a handful of rice, and with the momentum of scattering beans to form an army, I tossed them all into the pot. I then used the Whirlwind Technique to make the water in the pot slowly swirl continuously. Once bubbles began to form, I grabbed various seasonings from the side, unsure of how much to add. Moreover, as a material immortal, I naturally do not need to eat, and my sense of taste is extremely weak; I cannot distinguish good from bad even when tasting. Therefore, I employed the Five Ghosts Transport Technique to summon five little ghosts to help me taste the flavor.

After pondering for a moment, I replied: "It is best to persuade others with reason."

"Who is it?" I felt nervous

"No, no!" Young Master Zhou shouted as Bai Guan ran to get a broom, "I won't come down. Is it acceptable for me to squat on my own wall and admire the beauty?"

I coldly asked: "What are you doing climbing over my wall?"

However, after wandering in the mortal world for more than a month, I unexpectedly felt the stirrings of spring in my heart, dreaming of a man kissing me

Bai Guan stared at the iron pot, incessantly scratching the table with her nails, and in pain asked: "Master... are you not eating?"

Find a way to make him listen

I shook my head: "You are not a natural-born immortal, and your cultivation has not reached the level of fasting; you still need grains and cereals."

"What are you doing... cooking?" Bai Guan's eyes widened in surprise

Beautiful person! Beautiful person, look this way!

Everyone is prone to jealousy

Wood Demon: "Add sugar! Sweet is delicious!"

Wiping the beads of sweat from my forehead, I lifted the quilt, straightened my clothes, and slowly got up. A small white pear blossom petal gently floated down from the bedding, landing at my feet. I was taken aback as I picked up the delicate petal and looked up at the tightly locked window and door, filled with astonishment. I hurriedly pushed the door open, only to find that Bai Guan had already finished tidying up and was yawning while sweeping the fallen flowers.

I turned back and smiled as brightly as possible, saying: "No rush, there will be food soon. I'm afraid of a fire, so I've closed off the kitchen. You can come back in later."

What is this? It's simply... The face of the one with a black mask is truly dark. He cautiously glanced at the watchful Bai Guan and then at the fierce Le Qing, and with a mournful expression, he said, "I will drink, is that not enough?"

The fall was truly earth-shattering

"Is she your mother?" Young Master Zhou's face changed with concern, and he stamped his foot, saying, "Your father is already good-looking enough, and your mother is even more beautiful. Could it be that all the beauties in the world have gone to your family? This... this is too unfair!"

I admonished: "One must not learn from that shameless fellow on the wall."

Bai Guan slapped the table and reprimanded him: "Is it possible that my master would use rat poison to harm you? Hurry up and drink it! Drink a couple more bowls!"

When I was first approached for marriage, I was so frightened that my face turned pale. I regretted not disguising myself as my master before running out of the house.

The disciple is clever, and I am very pleased, casting an encouraging smile at him. I then move to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for my student. As I am new to cooking, I study the stove for a while, silently designing several sets of spells in my mind, feeling confident. With my left hand, I perform a fire-stirring technique, and with my right hand, I cast a wind spell, instantly igniting a blaze in the kitchen, with thick black smoke billowing. I remain calm, forming hand seals with both hands, and then I cast a water prison formation. Several streams of clear spring water rise from the sink, transforming into crystal walls that encircle the kitchen, preventing the fire from spreading.

Bai Guan stammered and asked: "Can I eat dew flower nectar like Master does..."

I waved my hand and asked him, "Was there any commotion in the courtyard last night?"

Young Master Zhou noticed me looking at him, quickly clasped his hands in a salute, and touched his waist, hurriedly saying to the wall below: "Where is the fan? Useless fellow! Hurry and bring me the fan!"

Bai Guan made a disgusted expression and said: "Not a good person"

Bai Guan verbally agreed, but as he turned his head, he suddenly remembered something: "This morning, I noticed a strange person peeping over the wall."

Master, the path of culinary arts is exceedingly difficult, and your disciple will strive diligently.

Bai Guan made an effort to swallow, picked up a spoon, and stirred the porridge three times. Finally, he scooped out half a spoonful and slowly placed it in his mouth. He ate too hastily, his eyes widening even more, and after several attempts, he managed to swallow it, but he ended up choking.

Now he does not deliberately dress in a flirtatious manner, wearing a somewhat worn blue robe, with a green ribbon tied in his hair, loosely gathered at the back of his head. Apart from a piece of jade pendant at his waist, there are no other decorations. Coupled with his clear and delicate face, his eyes, which curve into a crescent shape when he smiles, possess a hint of innocence and a touch of foolishness, making him much more pleasing to the eye than when we first met.

Bai Guan cast a few doubtful glances at me, unwilling to inquire further, and jokingly said: "So the master is afraid of mice. Let's raise a fierce big cat and take it to find that lewd fellow with the black face, forcing him to properly restrain the nearby mouse clan"

I have a fever on my face. Knowing that everyone is trying to save face for me, they quickly took away the pot and apologized awkwardly, saying, "Following the book and reciting the classics, it really doesn't work."

The dream originates from the heart, and evil arises from thoughts. Could it be that I was moved by the phrase "Red Luan Star Moves" spoken by the Snow Swallow Fairy before descending to the mortal world?

Wait! I'm not your mother,Although I'm afraid of being snatched away by the old man to be his daughter-in-law, this sentence from Bai Shan is not trivial. If it tarnishes Master's innocence and causes misunderstandings when meeting Master's wife in the future, thinking that Master is a philanderer and that I am shameless and unrestrained, what should I do? Thinking of this, I immediately stopped Bai Shan and said to Zhou Shao Ye seriously, "I am his senior sister, and Master is out on business."

I exclaimed in anger: "You, this person..."

The stone monkey was suppressed under the Five Elements Mountain by the Buddha, while the White Snake demon was sealed under the Thunder Peak Pagoda.

Ugh! I can't bear it anymore," he cursed, "You are a shameless impostor on the left! A reckless madman on the right! And as I approach and look closely, that is... that is..."

No matter how domineering and powerful the demons and monsters are, as long as they are beaten with a stick and tied up in front of the Buddha to listen to the scriptures of compassion for thousands or tens of thousands of years, they will reflect on their mistakes and reform themselves.

Young Master Zhou shamelessly said, "What's wrong with me? Come closer and take a good look, carefully observe from all angles, truly handsome and elegant, like a jade tree in the wind!"

Five little ghosts of gold, wood, water, fire, and earth hurriedly arrived, eagerly accepting the mission.

Amidst the astonishment and doubt, a young and melodious voice descended from the sky.

Disciple, your filial piety is commendable, but I slightly shake my head: "The taste of celestial beings is bland, unaware of hunger and satiety. During cultivation, I only consume dew, flower nectar, and fruit elixirs. The mundane food of the mortal realm is detrimental to my cultivation and should not be consumed"

A black-faced person feels as if they have been pardoned: "What chaos does a person without taste bring to the kitchen? I almost thought I was about to die from eating rat poison! Bah! Hurry, bring me some water!"

I replied, "Heaven's justice, subduing demons and evil spirits, slowly guiding and teaching until he obeys."

White asked: "Still not listening?"

I subconsciously feel that Bai Han's methods may not be in line with the teachings of my master. Considering his sincere treatment towards me, I couldn't bring myself to reprimand him harshly. I only advised him, "In the future, use fewer unorthodox methods and resolve things through proper means."

Young Master Zhou scratched his head, looked around, and awkwardly confessed: "My grandfather punished me with three months of house arrest. I've been sitting in the room so long that my bottom hurts. I wanted to climb over the wall to take a walk, but unexpectedly saw a beautiful sister. Please, sister, quickly bring a stool to help me down. Later, I will buy you a gold hairpin as a gift."

Grandpa? Ah--" Young Master Zhou was so scared that he stumbled and fell down.

I went to fetch some water when a scream of agony came from behind me

You despicable monster! The divine being's reward is a sign of respect for you, how can you be so rude?! Le Qing became anxious and rushed forward to grab the pot.

Bai Guan nodded obediently and said, "Senior sister, I will never use foul language again"

Le Qing also comforted, "How could a fairy possibly descend to the kitchen? It is better to stay up there."

I patted him on the back and said, "One should chew slowly and savor their food, do not eat too quickly." Then I eagerly asked, "Is it delicious?"

I humbly listened to everyone's opinions, finding them all reasonable, and thus I added all the seasonings into the pot. Seeing the bubbles about to overflow, I quickly sealed the pot tightly using the clay method. After about 45 minutes, estimating that it was cooked, I opened the clay seal. The entire pot was filled with the fragrant aroma of spices, and the taste should not be too bad, so I removed the water prison, tidied up the kitchen, and brought the pot to Bai Guan, joyfully saying: "Disciple, eat while it's hot." After about 45 minutes, estimating that it was cooked, I opened the clay seal. The entire pot was filled with the fragrant aroma of spices, and the taste should not be too bad, so I removed the water prison, tidied up the kitchen, and brought the pot to Bai Guan, joyfully saying: "Disciple, eat while it's hot."

He could no longer endure it and was about to erupt

Good children should not speak vulgar words casually. I quickly corrected Bai Guan's words and actions, "Don't pay attention to others' obscenities, so as not to pollute our eyes and ears."

Golden Ghost: "Salt! Salt must be added!"

Young Master Zhou shamelessly said, "This is the wall of my house."

I feel pain for him

I shook my head and said, "I never take a life"

Young Master Zhou, upon hearing this, was so delighted that he nearly fell off the wall. He joyfully asked, "What is your master's name? Is he still accepting disciples? I can pay the tuition, any amount will do."

Bai Shuan asked: "The other party is not listening?"

"I will take it back to my room to eat later," Bai Guan said, closing his eyes as he took two bites, catching his breath. He then put down his spoon and suddenly, with joy, pointed at the door, saying: "Brother Leqing! Black-faced! You have come? My master has prepared a meal, just in time for us to eat together!"

After a moment, there were hurried footsteps coming from the opposite wall. Master Zhou bent down, took the fan and opened it, striking a pose of "handsome and elegant" scholar, and said, "I live next door, and I unintentionally came here to admire the view. I saw the beautiful and graceful lady, as the saying goes, 'a slender and graceful lady, a good match for a noble man.' The meeting of lovers is fate. I admire the lady endlessly, but my feelings are restrained by propriety... My grandfather is the Minister of War, wealthy and of unblemished reputation. I am his legitimate grandson. May I ask if the lady has a family?" He bowed and said, "I live next door, and I unintentionally came here to admire the view. I saw the beautiful and graceful lady, as the saying goes, 'a slender and graceful lady, a good match for a noble man.' The meeting of lovers is fate. I admire the lady endlessly, but my feelings are restrained by propriety... My grandfather is the Minister of War, wealthy and of unblemished reputation. I am his legitimate grandson. May I ask if the lady has a family?"

Bai Shuan suddenly realized, summarizing: "If he doesn't listen, just keep hitting him until he obediently listens!"

My consciousness gradually drifts upward, stepping into a sky shrouded in dark clouds, sinking into a light and dim world, disappearing without a trace

"Yes!" Bai Guan replied loudly

I said: "No!"

Is it possible that the Red Luan prophecy and the nightmare are true

Young Master Zhou's face turned red from the scolding, and the servants on the other side of the wall chuckled a couple of times, only to be fiercely glared back into silence by their master

The earth spirit: "Cinnamon should be used for seasoning"

Bai Guan asked with embarrassment: "What legitimate means will the master use?"

I am truly shameless! It is so embarrassing!

Was what happened last night a nightmare

Bai Guan walked past the flower wall, circled to the outside of the door, and, taking advantage of his moment of inattention, pinched his throat and pretended to scream in a female voice: "Master Zhou! The young master has climbed the wall again!"

I awoke from a dream, finding the surroundings unfamiliar, drenched in cold sweat from fear. I reached out and struck fiercely at the demon beside me, only to grasp at nothing. Once my consciousness returned, I recalled that this was not the Peak of Worry.

The white pipe socket said: "It is a rogue!"

Could it be that his grandfather wants to remarry and has taken a liking to me

It is said that the powerful officials in the mortal realm are quite adept at forcibly seizing women from the common people

Ah, how precious are the dishes personally prepared by the Fairy Yuyao?" Le Qing was so delighted that his face turned red, and he nervously wagged his tail as he asked, "As a mere city god, how could I have the privilege to partake?

This is the orthodox method of handling affairs in the celestial realm

Bai Guan eagerly said, "As a disciple, how can I allow my master to cook? From now on, I will take care of it."

I was terrified to the point of death. Looking up, I saw an extraordinarily beautiful red apricot extending from the neighbor's wall, beside which stood a mortal. The sunlight was too bright to see the face clearly. I took a couple of steps closer and recognized it was that lecherous Young Master Zhou, who had tried to rob my master with his ruffian the other day, shamelessly squatting on the wall and grinning foolishly at me

While drinking, he wiped away his tears.

Upon waking, the Eastern Lord brings bright and gentle sunlight, which passes through the green gauze window and softly casts a few colorful spots on the bedside.

Master, I will recite the Heart Sutra one hundred times later to punish myself for my wandering thoughts

The faint aroma of fried fish and steamed buns wafted in from next door, while the peddler shouted, "Head oil, rouge, and fragrant powder," awakening the young ladies and brides in their secluded chambers. The maids and servants hurried out, their chattering mingling with the mournful cries of the cuckoo perched on the pear tree, startling the butterflies among the flowers. This is a scene of ordinary life in the human world

Bai Guan let out a cold laugh and retorted, "You have quite an appetite, teasing my father and now coming to tease my mother?"

"No, I slept very soundly yesterday," Bai Guan saw my expression was not good and hurriedly asked, "Master, what happened?"

"Peh, you are nothing but a poor dog, who is more noble than whom?" Old Bao held the bowl, drinking while retorting, "Old Bao neither engages in wrongdoing nor kills for wealth; I navigate the human world relying on physiognomy. Upon seeing the Jade Yao Fairy, I immediately know she is an honest immortal and would not casually blame a law-abiding good monster like me... Puh—Jade Yao Fairy, are you really going to kill me?! What is in this porridge?"

I was thinking about the spring dream from last night, feeling it was quite meaningless. I nodded absentmindedly, did not respond, snatched the broom, and hurried to practice martial arts with Bai Guan.

I pondered for a moment, feeling that I was overthinking, and then gently crushed the pear blossom petals in my hand, tossing them into the gathered fallen leaves, and said with a smile: "Last night I heard a mouse squeaking, and I was afraid it would startle you"

Bai Guan also finished the remaining porridge in a few sips, letting out a long sigh of relief

If I were to obtain such a red phoenix, I might as well crash into the Southern Heavenly Gate and die!

Bai Guan hurriedly ran out of the ear room and knocked on the water wall, asking: "Master, what happened?"

I am furious: "You dishonest fellow, you should learn how to stay honestly at home. If you dare to come over, I will have Bai Guan hit you with a big stick!"

Water ghost: "Sauce! More sauce!"

A cold kiss envelops, bringing a shiver of pleasure

"You can take your time to study the qualifications yourself," said the person with a dark expression, rushing forward in a single step, grabbing the pot and pouring it out, muttering as he poured, "Free breakfast, why not eat it if it's free..."